Thursday, September 07, 2006

Nothing

Sorry, all the chipper, upbeat stuff I was gonna write about today (how she's now 62.5 centimeters tall, how she got her vaccine today like a pro, how she slept badly last night but we have hopes for tomorrow, how we had a great time in the backyard today, etc) just got null-and-voidified. Her sleeping has been mondo fitful in the last few days. Just now, I was busy, actively addressing my increasing panic about having enough milk stored for her when I go back to work next week, when she woke up (only 1 hour since she woke up the last time). So I detach from the machine and go in to feed her back to sleep. But because of my activities, she has to work a little harder to get the milk out, and so instead (she's fully awake now) she just arches and cries and in short, prolongs her own misery.

This is when I went from "happy little mother" to "stressed out, not coping woman" with a speed that a Porche could envy.

I pop her back into the crib (she's wailing), tell Yoav I'm having a not-coping moment, and go to make the freshly pumped milk into a bottle for Little Miss Thang.

Why did I flip so quickly?

Analyzing... analyzing...

(as I type this, Yoav is feeding her the bottle and singing Shema to her, rocking her in the recliner)

I think I got resentful that she interrupted me in the middle of doing something for her - her! What nerve! What chutzpa!

Okay, fine, she's 5 months old. Teenagers (my past self included) are often less considerate than my daughter. But it's late in the day, I'm very frustrated that she's been sleeping so unsteadily, and I resent her drinking this milk now because I want to freeze it for her. That's normal and healthy, right?

It would appear I'm a little concerned about returning to work next week.

Enjoy this picture of her from the other day, showing off her new highchair.

I will now eat chocolate.

1 comment:

bilha said...

Oh Miriam. You're so cute. I know it's hard to leave your cutie pie after being home for so long with her. I have the same experience. I just started working also and am currently leaving Miriam with Sarah Shifra Wunder. Unfortunately, Miriam doesn't really take a bottle yet so it's a bit of a problem. Right now SS tries to feed her with a bottle but usually she doesn't quite take it. Then she spoon feeds her her rice/barley/oatmeal cereal. Yesterday she gave her some formula in the cap of her bottle (like a cup) to see if she'd take it. I rush home every day to feed her because she won't take the bottle. Yup. It's stessful. I gave up on trying to pump tons before I sent her off. I send her with formula and then I pump during my breaks. Ok, gtg. Baby just smashed head in floor and is crying. Bye.