Wow, so much is in my head - heart - spleen (etc). As I found myself crying tonight worrying about being a good mother (because of changes at work, which will be the subject of the next blog), I remembered of course crying when she was born... when I was sitting there in the wheelchair, about to go to recover in the mommy ward, with my newborn all swaddled on my lap (she was about to go get poked and so on in the nursery), and I got to make that oh-so-long-awaited bracha thanking God for this miracle...
So not much has changed in a year!
A year ago... and today...
She was born about 3.5 kilo, about 7.7 pounds. Now she's 8.4 kilo, about 18.5 pounds. Not bad (er, somehow I think I put on the same amount of weight since she was born... hmm, gotta analyze that..). Then she had a little newborn mew - now she talks up a storm, says "buwi" when she wants to read a book, says mama and abba and up and bye (if not so consistently). Then she had that newborn curled up posture - now she curls up if she wants to, hangs upside down if she wants to, crawls away from us and giggles if she wants to (and boy does she want to!). Then I was up feeding her in the middle of the night. Now, um, well, yeah we're sure she'll stop waking up at night soon.
I was telling Yoav over shabbos that I just lost a lot of my mothering confidence since I don't have a copy of "What to Expect the Toddler Years" yet, and so I don't have a text to backup the decisions I woulda made anyway.
Yoav and I went to wake her up from her nap this afternoon (way too late this afternoon, which is why she didn't really fall asleep tonight until after 9, but I digress).
We leaned on the side of her crib and watched her (and took pictures, of course) and I said, "You know what? We didn't break her." He says he was never worried that we would. Me? Deep down, I knew we wouldn't. And with God's help, we never will. Bruise, perhaps. But never break.
Anyway, I am uploading a massive video (only a minute long, but I used the wrong setting) of the girl (gosh, can I say 'the baby' anymore?), which will hopefully be live tomorrow, and I'll post it then.
So thank you Hashem for this blessing and this trust and this privilege and honor. And responsibility.