Sunday, March 22, 2009

Disjointed ramblings (so sorry)

God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there
They are young
They don't know
Let them rest
Or I will blow... up
Lay them down!
Make them sleep!
Make them sleep...

(With apologies to Les Mis)

Sarah Rochel SO misses her Abba! That is, she misses the strong disciplinarian. That is, I miss her having him around.


(dot dot dot)


Real quote from tonight: "That's it, Sarah Rochel, I'm leaving, good night."
"Well, if I stay, I'm just going to scream at you, and I don't want to scream at you, so goodbye."
I leave.
Ensuing screams.
I pray, nay, beg God to give me the strength to go back in there and be nice to her. I go back in. I am nice, but I am NOT happy.


The problem... the problem is this: Bli ayin hara, Sroch is so bright and eloquent, that I make the mistake of speaking to her like an adult, forgetting that she's flipping TWO (albeit a sneeze away from three)... and so I'm in the middle of doing the threatening 1-2-3, and I start answering her explaining what I'm doing instead of just cracking my parental whip.


Did I mention I miss my wonderful husband, who maybe once a week (or more, bless him) would let me sleep in as long as the baby would allow? Did I mention that those extra two hours a sleep a week have clearly been my salvation these past 4-and-a-half months because I am so short fused that if you put my feet in water I emit sparks?! (metaphor needs work - ed.)

Deep calming breaths.
Beer? No! Breathe!
(hmm, but beer IS chometz, gotta get rid of it)

Where's the bottle opener?

Play by play tantrum blogging!

I am blogging to keep sane.

I am blogging to keep sane.

4:05 PM: pick up Sarah Rochel. Ask her about what we're doing this afternoon, she asks to have Pesha and Rena come over.

4:15 PM: See Pesha on the way home, secure parental permission for her to come over. Start on the way home.

4:17 PM: "I don't let Pesha touch my stroller!" Sarah Rochel, if you're not in a sharing mood, maybe you can't have a friend come over. Can you share? "No, I don't let her!" Ah ha.

4:19 PM: Get to our building, Sarah Rochel tells Pesha not to come over, and calls her yuchy. Pesha departs with her mother, and I give a small lecture on not hurting people with words. "But I don't like her!" You don't have to like her, but you can't hurt her, etc, etc.

4:25 PM: We do a quick turnaround, since I realize el-kvetcho ain't gonna be much fun at home. So we go out to deliver a package that's been by me for a while.

5:15 PM: On the way home, she's fine, a bit tired, but mostly listening to me and doing alright. Until - boom, six feet from the house, total despondency because "I want to be FIRST!" By now, mind you, the Llama is crying hysterically because she's tired, and now Sarah Rochel starts up the hysterics too - oy. Pick her up, and we've got full blown kicking and screaming and flailing and thrashing. Oh man. I manhandle both in the building to the cries of, "I don't like you!" To her credit, I don't have to drag her the whole way - once the elevator door opens, she comes. I let her go first into the house, I follow, lots of "I don't like you!" to which I reply things like, "Okay," and "I like you," and "I love you," and "I hear you." I take the baby (poor thing) into the girls' room, and since she's so worked up I give her the 'treat' of being nursed into a nap. Sarah Rochel follows us into the room so she can pelt me with more "I don't like you!" and "I want you to go!"'s. I show her that I cleaned off her tall bed - "I like it messy! I want to make it messy! I don't like you!" Miraculously, the baby falls asleep in all this. I tell Sroch I'm going to put the baby down in my room. "I want you to leave me in the house by myself!" I'll leave you in your room - and I go.

She follows us.

I put the baby down (accidentally jabbing her with a coat hanger on the way down - oops, sorry kiddo, I was cleaning my room today), Sarah Rochel is still telling me over and over how much she dislikes me, I'm answering in the same fashion as above. She takes a swipe or two in my general direction, which I discourage. (I also offer alternatives, like hitting pots, hitting furniture, etc.) Finally, I get her out to the living room, where there's more about how little she likes me and so on, she hits me with her 3-years-old-keter, and I tell her if she does it again I will take it away. She does it. I take it. She wails, tries to reach where I put it, fails, comes and hits me. I don't say anything, just take her and dump her on her bed and close the door.

It is at this point I start blogging.

It's now 6:13 PM, and Sarah Rochel is now sitting on my lap. The transition? After a couple minutes of screaming, she starts calling IMA really loudly (note: interesting that in a time of great stress, she switched to Hebrew). I go into her and hold her and rock her. She keeps crying and mentions that she doesn't like me. I ask (not unreasonably) why she called me in if she didn't like me. "Because I wanted you to be with me!" So we rock a bit longer, and I tell her I'm going to go make dinner. She follows me, asks for a bawkle milk, I give her one... and now she's on my lap, eating crackers and talking about the ABC's (as she watches me type).

Poor bunny.

I asked her, in the midst of all of that, if she misses her Abba. She said no. Methinks I don't believe her. (I also asked once who she likes, since it wasn't me. "Only Rena," she said.)

Now she's saying "there's more chametz!" as crumbs get on the table while we eat crackers. "Ichy chametz. Chametz goes in the fire."


It's 6:19 PM. Bedtime is, ostensibly, at 7. Pray for us!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Good news and bad news

Good news:
Sarah Rochel's gan birthday party was today! Delicious! We got great pictures!
Bad news:
The camera won't turn on now. JUST when I was worried about not spending enough money on our trip to America, now I might need to get a new camera! I mean, my lowly 4.0 MP one is getting a little dated, I guess... and picture quality has indeed been deteriorating of late, as has focusing... and a couple settings won't work any more at all... But still! Recommendations, anyone?

Good news:
Shabbos is ready! All the cooking is done (I prepped it all last night, today was just rotating things on the oven / stove), the Perrys are coming and they even have their beds made, with clean sheets no less!, and ..

Bad news:
I fell asleep in the middle of that sentence, and have no idea what else I was going to say. Also, Yoav is in Lublin for shabbos, eating at the yeshiva (which is mightly cool). We miss him!

Good news:
I made yummy decorated cookies for SR1's party! (hurray!)

Bad news:
I made yummy decorated cookies for SR1's party! (burp)

Good news:
Today when I said 'hello!' to the Llama, she said back, "eh-auw" - perfectly enunciated!

Bad news:
You mean one day I'm going to have to verbally battle wits with BOTH of them? HELP!

Sarah Rochel got a book of drawings from the other kids in gan as part of her birthday celebration. Morah Shoshana always makes it in the shape of a heart, but Sroch insisted HERS be in a 'square.' Morah Shoshana suspects it was because then the drawing has more surface area, but who knows? Sroch also requested a black balloon, but none were available.

Her actual birthday (Hebrew) is this upcoming Tuesday. Yoav comes home at the crack of dawn that day. And then Thursday morning we fly to the land of steak and money, Americhka!

The birthday girl gets to wear a crown and got a present of a VERY FANCY necklace and bracelet. She also gives out the cookies to everyone (notice how they are, in theory, SR heads?) and everyone picks her up and dances around her and sings "Siman tov umazel tov" and "Happy Birthday" and "How Old Are You Now?" and SR1 informs me that her friend Chaya sings "Hayom Yom Huledet", "but in our gan we don't."

Go on, say it with me: "Oh."

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Yoav is in Poland. We miss him!

I'm going to try and see if sleep will, if not cure missing him, at least improve my morale.

The kids have really been great, B"H - well, except the first day Yoav was gone, when I was up to wanting to hit my own head against the wall, a fine line away (but an important line!) from wanting to hit THEIR heads against the wall. Since then, B"H, Sroch has been listening to me a leeetle better, and Shulamis has remembered how to fall asleep. Mostly.

On Shushan Purim, we got the girls dressed up as ladybugs again (oh, like we really had to twist Sarah Rochel's arm to get back into a costume), and went to Yerushalaim to visit Savta Raba!

This was actually the first time she met the Llama. They look alike a little, no?

A word on the subject of 'prowing', which I'm surprised we never discussed with Sarah Rochel. To 'prow' is to face tummy down on the back of the carseat, the better to resemble the prow of a ship and thusly check out the world. We used to do this all the time with Sarah Rochel (carefully!) and the Llama is totally into it too.

Shulamis has almost totally STOPPED rolling over. It's like she tried it, learnt it, decided she didn't like it - and so she avoids it. When she wants to get off her tummy, she cries until we roll her over manually. However, when laying on her back, lately she's been swinging her legs up and over a lot. Rolling over must come soon! (Hear that, kid?)

No, those are NOT coming out of her nostrils! Sarah Rochel found the mosquito netting for the stroller, and decided it was a kallah (bride) costume (well, it resembles many she saw on Purim!). Hence the uplifted face, the fake flowers, the poignancy... well, whatever.

She's just our little pot of joy! Crock pot of joy, anyway. I mean, at 9 months gestation, human babies certainly count as slow cooking!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Purim slideshow

Well, the week or two before Purim, and then Purim.

Videos to come, but not now - it's 1:45 AM! Granted, I did just go and feed the baby, but still...!

Purim afternoon

Yoav and I are both not-quite-sick-but-yes-a-little-sick, sniffly and drippy and my throat hurts and he feels a tiny bit feverish. The weather has blown hot and cold (har har har), everyone is sick (it seems), the girlies both have stuffy noses sometimes, etc.

So Purim morning after megilla reading, Yoav stays home to receive visitors and I go out with the girls. The stroller is full of plates of hot dogs and french fries (and supplemental Druyan Cup'o'Junk (TM) cups full of candy), I'm wearing the baby and Sarah Rochel is walking. We're just on our block, but we don't get everywhere we wanted to go - alright, fine, Purim is about letting go.

Back home, it's almost 2 PM, our seuda is at 2:30, Yoav is at shul, Sarah Rochel is playing in the other room, Shulamis is on the rug kicking air... and I start doing what I've noticed I do every year on Purim, which go from kitchen to mirpesset repeatedly, looking outside for something but I don't know what.

Anyway, I recall that Purim is of course an incredibly powerful time to pray. I got to daven this morning, but mincha is generally out of my grasp. I don't have time to daven mincha now either - formal prayer is pretty much now my husband's domain when I am in charge of the kiddos, but it occurs to me to grab my tehillim. I flip open at random, and this is what I read:

Moshivei akeres habayis, em habanim smeicha.

Isn't that the entire Purim story? Making great who was low - turning things around - taking an orphaned, greenish girl and making her a queen that she might save her people - and our own Purim story, making us the glad parents of children.

That's what Purim is.

I finished the perek, and then Sarah Rochel pops her head in to say, "Mommy, come change my diaper now, I finished pooping."


And that, my friends, is what it's all about.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Report on Purim stuff

Well, we made it.

It's Shulamis Rivka's first Purim, so welcome to her
And Sarah Rochel is showing her the ropes
How to refuse to wear the costume we picked
And how many toffees you can eat before you choke

(In theory) the girls are dressed as ladybugs*
Which left us few choices of related loot
Would you really prefer we send something we dug
Up out of the ground, covered in cat poop**?

So enjoy this mini seuda, on this day which is crazy
Since often to eat 'real food' we're way too lazy
It's all parve, that's right, even the dogs in the buns
And Happy Purim from Y, M and two SR Druyans!

*The Management takes no responsibility for the capriciousness of
certain almost-3-year-olds and their decisions of which costume to
**We're willing to put down cash money that this is the only shaloch
manos poem you'll get mentioning 'cat poop,' and if it isn't, we're not
sure we want to know who YOUR friends are.

Sarah Rochel also made her own shaloch manos, consisting of candy and hamentashen she made with me. I was assured the germs from her sneezing on the dough cook out. Or something like that.

We had a lovely seuda at the Kaplans, and Sarah Rochel didn't even lose it until bedtime - and even then she recovered quickly, and went to sleep nicely. Phew! When it came to food, I just made her eat a good breakfast (read: four spoonfuls of oatmeal) and then let her eat any darn thing she liked.

She liked candy.

And Bisli, and chips, and candy. And chocolate. And candy.

Nu nu, she also had two spoons of soup and four bites of chicken for dinner, so it balanced. Oh, and then chocolate milk. It's milk, right?

Sarah Rochel went back and forth from last year's princess costume to this year's ladybug costume, which matched that of her little sister. Fine, fine.

Last night Yoav leined once both girls were asleep (yay!) and this morning Sroch was at a neighbor while I was actually feeding the baby during the reading - that's a first for me! She was then quiet for the rest very, very nicely. Hurray!

Pictures and videos to come - Shulamis is busy talking in her room, despite me going in and shushing and corking twice, so it may be a few minutes...

Report on stuff that isn't Purim

Oh, I am so behind on my blogging. Booger.

Let's try to cover some ground. I even took notes!

Exercise. I have been trying to work out with DVDs on the computer more or less daily (not because I'm going to America for the first time in two years, oh no, not at all), and B"H it's been going fairly well. Sarah Rochel and I had an afternoon out shopping a couple weeks ago (Yoav's regular class was cancelled, so he stayed with the baby) and we got me a resistance band thingy to work out with. Sarah Rochel enjoys them immensely:

She also sometimes asks to exercise with me, especially since we have the Mom and Toddler Fitness DVD (the first time I used it, by the way, I almost fell over and I was ouchy sore for like three days, wimp that I am). When we were doing so the other day, she started taking her dress off. I asked her why, and she said, "I want to take my clothes off!" Why, Sroch? "Because they (points at screen) already started taking their clothes off!"

Hmm. She's right. Hard to argue with that point.

Speaking of which, healthy eating has been improving a little (except of course I'm writing this after Purim, ho ho ho - but BEFORE today!). Last week one night I fed Sarah Rochel brown rice, green beans and tofu for dinner - and she ate it! There IS hope! She's pretty good now about trying anything once - and pretty quick now to say that she doesn't like it. But on the other hand, yesterday when I fed her bulgur - "Mommy, this is good. Thank you for making it for me." !!! Squeak of joy!

My big little girly. Llama had Tipat Chalav last week. She's now (at 4 months old(!)) 6.1 kilo, about 61 centimeters long and at solid 50-percentiles for just about everything. She did, once again, refuse to perform on demand for grabbing objects and indeed smiling and everything. I should probably just have told the nurse to look at this blog.

Shulamis really is growing up. Sometimes now when she wakes up at night (aside: sleeping is a whole on again, off again thing with her, in terms of progress. For like three nights last week getting her to sleep in the crib at night (not naps, which were fine, just for nighttime) was like an hour-long crying process. Then - poof, she stopped that. Last night she slept over 7 hours before waking up to eat, and then only briefly. And her morning naps have finally started getting longer too! She is SUCH a gift from God in this way (and all ways!) because I don't think it's anything I'm doing... End of really long aside, now back to the original sentence...), she just talks to herself in her cribby. Yum! Okay, 90% of the time she talks for a while and then starts crying, but sometimes she just has a quick conversation with the resident angels in the room, then drops back off...

Oh, and two weeks ago, I had my day in court. I was contesting a parking ticket, because I was SO sure I was in the right. Indeed, everyone agreed that the spot used to be legal, and that NOW it's not... but I thought when I got the ticket, it was still fine. The court (which doesn't have wood paneling, something unthinkable to an American) was just a room in a building, but the judge was still up on a dais of course. Courtrooms have very little space for strollers, note to self. Anyway, we were there for hours because I asked the court to prove it was an illegal space - and all they had was a black and white copy of the car parked there, i.e. no way to discern the red and white striping that would indicate illegalocity. It took time, then, because their internet was down, so to get a copy of the original picture (in color) including seeing that almost all of the curb was covered by the cop's thumb but a teeny tiny bit of red was showing took Yoav literally going to other offices, waiting, having a municipal worker come over with the digital image on a thumb drive, etc, etc. I wonder how many other people ever nursed a baby in that courtroom. Anyway, so they showed there was some red on the curb, I said okay - I had a right to see proof, you showed it, I'll pay the ticket - and the judge, to be nice, ONLY added on another 50 shekel to the fine (the DA, by then quite sick of us, asked for much more). We got off lucky - he added to many other peoples' tickets way more than that, and no one we saw in all the hours we were there got their tickets waived. Tough room.

Now, pictures:

I'm sorry for the sloppy edit (which makes Sroch look like a linebacker), but I had to cover up the baby a bit more and I don't have anything more sophisticated than MS Paint to work with. This is Sarah Rochel helping give the baby a bath. Life is more exciting now that the girls have roughly the same bedtime - well, it's more exciting on nights there's only one of us here. Did I mention Yoav is going to Poland for a week? YIKES! B"H, Cheryl is moving in with me.

Brushing the baby's hair.

In a bedtime happy moment, she was eager to be good ("Okay, I listen now.") and she went and got all her clothes off, and got in the tub. Alas, she beat me, because there was no water in there yet. Never fear - she had a flotation device.

Getting into the Adar spirit. Old friends of mine will recognize my Green Hat.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Purim: Status Updates

¦ King Achashveirosh has invited you to The Really Big Party Where I Impress Everyone and Get Mad Phat Drunk. Will you attend this event?

            Yes  No   Maybe


                C Hashem likes this.

King Achashveirosh is waiting for his woman to show up.

Queen Vashti has joined the group “Tail grooming”.

King Achashveirosh is WHERE IS VASHTI!? WOMAN! GET IN HERE!

            Memuchan: Dump the broad. We’ll getcha a new one, kingy.

X Queen Vashti is no longer a valid Facebook user.

Esther Hadassah is hiding.

C Mordechai Hatzadik likes this.

ยตKing Achashveirosh has posted a new album: Chicks of the world.

Esther Hadassah has joined the group “Living off of nuts and seeds, and taking really, really long baths.”.

Y King Achashveirosh and Esther Hadassah are now listed as married.

qMemuchan has changed his name to Haman Harasha.

Esther Hadassah is so not into her new husband. Ick.

King Achashveirosh thinks GREEN is really attractive in a woman.

Mordechai Hatzadik is at the palace gates.

Bigsan and Teresh have joined the group “Secret Plot to Kill the King”.

                C Hashem orchestrated this.

Mordechai Hatzadik is like, hellooo, do they think they’re seminary girls on a bus speaking English who don’t realize everyone around them understands them?

Esther Hadassah is a little depressed that she had to save the King’s life.

King Achashveirosh needs a stiff drink.

X Bigsan and Teresh are no longer valid Facebook users.

Mordechai Hatzadik is at the palace gates.

Haman Harasha could really go for a three cornered, jelly filled cookie right about now.

Esther Hadassah wishes her husband would stop friending her. Some people really can’t take a hint.

? Haman Harasha has created a new quiz: What date should I have all the Jews killed? Take the quiz now!

King Achashveirosh is feeling the economic pinch a little.

            Haman Harasha: Funny you should mention that… I’ll private message you.

eHaman Harasha has given King Achashveirosh a gift using KikarKesefGrams.

eKing Achashveirosh has given Haman Harasha a gift using Facebook Masculine Jewelry & Nose Pickers.

¦ Mordechai Hatzaddik has invited you to Big Tfila and Tshuva Rally To Save Your Jewish Hide. So far, 645,878 of your friends are attending.

                C Hashem likes this.

Esther Hadassah is getting a little hungry, but hey, no checking lettuce for maror this year, right?

            Mordechai Hatzadik: Did one of your maidservants forget to log you out again?

            Esther Hadassah: My bad, my bad.

King Achashveirosh has joined the group “Owners of Auto-expanding Scepters”.

Esther Hadassah is so not looking forward to this banquet… Two words: AMALEK BREATH.

¦ Haman Harasha and King Achashveirosh are attending Esther’s Wine Party, take I.

¦ Haman Harasha and King Achashveirosh have RSVP’ed for Esther’s Wine Party, take II.

Haman Harasha is HOT STUFF, BABY! YOU KNOW IT!

            Zeresh: Don’t get too cocky yet. Anyway, it’s pizza again for dinner.

            Haman Harasha: Woman, I demand steak.

            Zeresh: As soon as your daughter takes out the chamber pot. I can’t cook in this stench!

            Haman Harasha: Leave her alone- I may have plans for that…

            Hashem: You have NO idea…

Haman Harasha is putting up a big old tree in the backyard.

                C Zeresh likes this.

King Achashveirosh can’t sleep.

% All The King’s Horse is being groomed.

Mordechai Hatzadik is wishing I had a different barber.

            Esther Hadassah: I warned you about Amalek Breath.

Haman Harasha note to self: when wife says chamber pot should be emptied, listen to her.

Zeresh is filled with foreboding.

            Haman Harasha: So our daughter jumped out the window, but hey, I’m still hot stuff with the Queen, right? And we still have 10 strapping sons.

            Zeresh: Once the Jews are on top, honey…

            Haman Harasha: We’ll see about that!

            Zeresh: Even Scope can’t save you now…

King Achashveirosh is fuming!

            Esther Hadassah: please get off your Blackberry and get back in here in a hurry, wouldya?

Charvona it’s all about being in the right place at the right time!

Announcer: Charvona, you just fulfilled the point of your entire existence, brought about the downfall of Haman Harasha and will be remembered by the Jews for a blessing forevermore! What are you going to do next?

Charvona: I’m going to Disneyworld!

X Haman Harasha is no longer a valid Facebook user.

X The group Haman’s Sons is no longer a valid Facebook group.

King Achashveirosh is ready for another drink.

Mordechai Hatzadik is organizing sword practice.

                C Esther Hadassah likes this.

Esther Hadassah has scrolls to write.

Mordechai Hatzadik has joined the group “I wonder how quickly I can find 1,000,000 people who want to be mekabel the Torah m’ahava”.

                C Hashem likes this.

¦ Mordechai Hatzaddik and Esther Hadassah have invited you to Purim: this year and every year. The entire Jewish nation is attending.

(With apologies to those of you who don't 'do' Facebook. Happy Purim ya'll!)

It's coming, it's coming...

I will post this week!


With pictures! Videos! Clever sardonic commentary! (note to self: look up 'sardonic')