Sunday, March 08, 2009

Purim: Status Updates

¦ King Achashveirosh has invited you to The Really Big Party Where I Impress Everyone and Get Mad Phat Drunk. Will you attend this event?

            Yes  No   Maybe


                C Hashem likes this.

King Achashveirosh is waiting for his woman to show up.

Queen Vashti has joined the group “Tail grooming”.

King Achashveirosh is WHERE IS VASHTI!? WOMAN! GET IN HERE!

            Memuchan: Dump the broad. We’ll getcha a new one, kingy.

X Queen Vashti is no longer a valid Facebook user.

Esther Hadassah is hiding.

C Mordechai Hatzadik likes this.

µKing Achashveirosh has posted a new album: Chicks of the world.

Esther Hadassah has joined the group “Living off of nuts and seeds, and taking really, really long baths.”.

Y King Achashveirosh and Esther Hadassah are now listed as married.

qMemuchan has changed his name to Haman Harasha.

Esther Hadassah is so not into her new husband. Ick.

King Achashveirosh thinks GREEN is really attractive in a woman.

Mordechai Hatzadik is at the palace gates.

Bigsan and Teresh have joined the group “Secret Plot to Kill the King”.

                C Hashem orchestrated this.

Mordechai Hatzadik is like, hellooo, do they think they’re seminary girls on a bus speaking English who don’t realize everyone around them understands them?

Esther Hadassah is a little depressed that she had to save the King’s life.

King Achashveirosh needs a stiff drink.

X Bigsan and Teresh are no longer valid Facebook users.

Mordechai Hatzadik is at the palace gates.

Haman Harasha could really go for a three cornered, jelly filled cookie right about now.

Esther Hadassah wishes her husband would stop friending her. Some people really can’t take a hint.

? Haman Harasha has created a new quiz: What date should I have all the Jews killed? Take the quiz now!

King Achashveirosh is feeling the economic pinch a little.

            Haman Harasha: Funny you should mention that… I’ll private message you.

eHaman Harasha has given King Achashveirosh a gift using KikarKesefGrams.

eKing Achashveirosh has given Haman Harasha a gift using Facebook Masculine Jewelry & Nose Pickers.

¦ Mordechai Hatzaddik has invited you to Big Tfila and Tshuva Rally To Save Your Jewish Hide. So far, 645,878 of your friends are attending.

                C Hashem likes this.

Esther Hadassah is getting a little hungry, but hey, no checking lettuce for maror this year, right?

            Mordechai Hatzadik: Did one of your maidservants forget to log you out again?

            Esther Hadassah: My bad, my bad.

King Achashveirosh has joined the group “Owners of Auto-expanding Scepters”.

Esther Hadassah is so not looking forward to this banquet… Two words: AMALEK BREATH.

¦ Haman Harasha and King Achashveirosh are attending Esther’s Wine Party, take I.

¦ Haman Harasha and King Achashveirosh have RSVP’ed for Esther’s Wine Party, take II.

Haman Harasha is HOT STUFF, BABY! YOU KNOW IT!

            Zeresh: Don’t get too cocky yet. Anyway, it’s pizza again for dinner.

            Haman Harasha: Woman, I demand steak.

            Zeresh: As soon as your daughter takes out the chamber pot. I can’t cook in this stench!

            Haman Harasha: Leave her alone- I may have plans for that…

            Hashem: You have NO idea…

Haman Harasha is putting up a big old tree in the backyard.

                C Zeresh likes this.

King Achashveirosh can’t sleep.

% All The King’s Horse is being groomed.

Mordechai Hatzadik is wishing I had a different barber.

            Esther Hadassah: I warned you about Amalek Breath.

Haman Harasha note to self: when wife says chamber pot should be emptied, listen to her.

Zeresh is filled with foreboding.

            Haman Harasha: So our daughter jumped out the window, but hey, I’m still hot stuff with the Queen, right? And we still have 10 strapping sons.

            Zeresh: Once the Jews are on top, honey…

            Haman Harasha: We’ll see about that!

            Zeresh: Even Scope can’t save you now…

King Achashveirosh is fuming!

            Esther Hadassah: please get off your Blackberry and get back in here in a hurry, wouldya?

Charvona it’s all about being in the right place at the right time!

Announcer: Charvona, you just fulfilled the point of your entire existence, brought about the downfall of Haman Harasha and will be remembered by the Jews for a blessing forevermore! What are you going to do next?

Charvona: I’m going to Disneyworld!

X Haman Harasha is no longer a valid Facebook user.

X The group Haman’s Sons is no longer a valid Facebook group.

King Achashveirosh is ready for another drink.

Mordechai Hatzadik is organizing sword practice.

                C Esther Hadassah likes this.

Esther Hadassah has scrolls to write.

Mordechai Hatzadik has joined the group “I wonder how quickly I can find 1,000,000 people who want to be mekabel the Torah m’ahava”.

                C Hashem likes this.

¦ Mordechai Hatzaddik and Esther Hadassah have invited you to Purim: this year and every year. The entire Jewish nation is attending.

(With apologies to those of you who don't 'do' Facebook. Happy Purim ya'll!)


Yaffa/Yitz said...

Love. Love, LOVE!

yitz98 said...

Bravo! Really, well done!

Faye said...

that was just fantastic!

tzipporah moskovitz said...

haha that was hysterical i also felt like i got a timeline of jewish history! bravo!

Anonymous said...

Brenda likes this. :)

Aviva (Katz) Irni said...

This was GREAT!!!
I have to share it with my hubby after his tax season deadline....

Chani said...


Anonymous said...

Miriam, wow, can I be your friend?