Friday, April 23, 2010

Maybe it's my fault

Why is it that both - both! - of my daughters are currently sporting abrasions on their faces, direct results of fights (!) they've been getting into at school?!

Sroch and another girl adore playing with each other, but for some reason they will all of a sudden have a FLARE UP resulting in things like bite marks on either side of Sroch's neck (!), a pinch on her cheek (!), and who knows what else. Alas, speaking to the teacher, this is not one-sided either. Thank God, it's not with all her friends, and thank God again never with her sister - but just this one girl (well, maybe two).

While a block away, the metapelet tells me Shulamis keeps hitting the other children, and sometimes they hit back. And she keeps telling her no and telling her to make nice and so on, but but but...!

WHAT are we doing wrong here? We NEVER hit the kids - not even slapping their fingers away from fire, needles, toilet cleaner, nuthin. They don't watch Looney Tunes! They've never played with GI Joe! We've been telling them 'no hitting' and 'no biting' their entire lives - in two languages!!

Shulamis, of course, when scolded, tends to laugh.

Sroch, when presented with her crimes, explains it's because "she always comes over to me and wants to play with me when I don't want to play with her! She's always hurting me so I don't want to play with her." - this despite Sroch asking to go to the girl's house and spending much time there together. So I ask - but Sarah Rochel, last shabbos you played at her house for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, then you had fun without hurting - "no, even then we was fighting, but then we were playing."

... I am somewhat beside myself. Shulamis will grow out of it. I dimly recall in Sroch's toddlerhood her metapelet mentioned that she hit a lot also (I believe I have tried to forget).

But this situation with Sarah Rochel is beyond me. Separate them? Very hard to enforce - they're in class together and live nearby, and moreover, that doesn't address Sroch's critical need to learn NOT to hit (or dear Lord, bite!) even under extreme duress.

... Maybe it's my fault for being so thankful for girls, that they aren't known as being a violent gender. Methinks me spoke too soon.


brenda said...

If you can believe it Yael was "the biter" in 2 different places (we skipped the whole hitting issue - not radical enough for my child.
In one case the school mishandled it so badly that we changed schools and VIOLA! we had a different child on our hands - no more biting.
Then recently something changed and it ended up that my perennially healthy and pleasantly dispositioned child had 2 ear infections.
She also exasperated the well-seasoned teacher so much so that I told her to go against everything she was doing. Instead of "rewarding" Yael by "making" her sit next to the teacher when she misbehaved, I told her to banish her to the spot by the birdcage by the door. Or to make her sit on a special pillow at the end of the line.
Once we got the ear infections cleared up her behavior got better and she still comes home on most days and greets me at the door with her daily report of "NO BITING!"
This too shall pass...

Miriam the Mommy said...

Amen, Brenda - amen!!