Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Ganger

March 2010 - almost two years ago
(The girls last night decided to have lots of stuffed animals in their beds - or maybe it was my idea trying to make them enthusiastic about actually staying in their bed all night. So this was tonight as we were looking at all of them...)

Me: "Girlies, remember, those baby seals were Ganger's. She wanted you to have them."

Sroch: "Oy, Mommy, chaval (it's a shame) she didn't have them when she was so sick. They would have made her feel better."

Me: "Actually, Sroch, she had a whole collection of them, so she had plenty. She just loved you girls so much she shared with you."

Llama: "I feel that Ganger is happy now! She is!"

Sroch: "Of course she's happy now, she's not sick anymore."

And they just keep playing.


...


I did not even tell Lamis that Ganger died last week. I wasn't sure she'd be able to grasp it. But Sroch I did tell. Sroch was totally accepting and positive - her first comment was, "Oh, just like Savta Raba." She was sympathetic to me for being upset - she hugged me and brought me tissues and her blankie, and even rubbed her blankie under my nose for me (she remembers I told her I did that as a comfort mechanism as a child). There's also no question that she understood, since she asked if I had to sit shiva and so on.

Sroch's complete acceptance of the life cycle was comforting in its matter-of-fact-ness, and in that she shares what I've mentioned before, which is a lack of fear of death.

But the girls' conversation tonight is what concretizes this odd mourning - remembrance of a wonderful, beloved person, and great, great relief that she is no longer in pain.



...

As a continuation of Hashem's kindnesses, indeed I did go to vist my grandmother zl"b at the perfect time. She was happy, relatively well, home and relatively comfortable. We had a wonderful visit. That was essentially the last good week of her life.

And a small, but last kindness, was that she had one day to look at the gorgeous picture of her greatgranddaughters (and their cousins as well, B"H) that we sent. It's not a kindness because I wouldn't want the effort and expense wasted - it's a kindness because she left this world facing the images of her legacy.

And so I am relieved that she is not in pain, that her soul has moved on to a better place.



But oh, how I miss her!!





She dwelt among the untrodden ways
Beside the springs of Dove,
A Maid whom there were none to praise
And very few to love.

A Violet by a mossy stone
Half-hidden from the Eye!
---Fair, as a star, when only one
Is shining in the sky!

She lived unknown, and few could know
When Lucy ceased to be;
But she is in her Grave, and, Oh!
The difference to me.

-Wordsworth

.

1 comment:

David Rosenblatt said...

Miriam, m'neice:

As always, you are able to capture the goodness in all situations. Margaret (Ganger) was a wonderful, fun loving woman who I always enjoyed seeing. I too will miss her.

Your m'uncle David